In 2002 there was a movie released called “Charly” which tells the story of a New York City art major who moves to Utah and finds new meaning to faith, love and family.  When I was growing up, our family always tried to watch uplifting films or what we would call “church movies” on Sunday and Charly became an instant classic in our home.  I always remember my mom commenting on a scene in the movie where the lead family is having a backyard BBQ and the montage portrays lots of laughing, good food and dancing in the backyard – it is a picture-perfect moment.  Charly turns to the mother and asks, “is it always like this?” to which she replies,

“No, this is just a good day”

The reason my mom loved that brief scene was because the mother’s character did not appear pretentious or put on any kind of airs that their family’s life was perfect and always full of backyard BBQ bliss – that was just a good day. 

I have thought of that line many times over the years, but especially more recently as the culture of comparison seems to consume almost every aspect of every social media platform.  I can’t open Facebook, Pinterest or Instagram without seeing photo after photo of everyone’s “good days”.  I am not faulting them at all – I do the exact same thing! We go on a camping trip or spend a day at the park with friends or host a birthday party for one of my children and I share all the happy memories. 

But then there are moments like the one I am currently sitting in – it’s 11:00 AM and I am sitting at the computer in my pajamas, my house is a mess, the kids are fighting downstairs and I’m not even sure if they’ve had breakfast yet or not . . . why don’t I share this happy moment on my Facebook story!

I’m not saying I’m opposed to sharing all the highlight moments of my life or that I don’t want to see those moments in the lives of others.  In fact, I often feel that pictures and posts that capture life’s happy memories help us to focus more on all the good things in life and fosters a mentality of positivity and optimism. 

On the other hand, a healthy dose of reality can go a long way to remind us that life has its ups and downs, that no one is perfect and that just as Lehi taught his sons, there must be opposition in all things. 

I think the problem is that on my days when there seems to be an excessive amount of opposition, I escape to my phone only to scroll through reels of perfect vacations I could never afford to take or beautiful bodies my chocolate addiction will never allow me to have. 

I fall into the timeless trap of comparing the worst of me to the best of others. 

And as the age-old adage has taught us – comparison is the thief of joy!  Why is that?  I think the answer is that as soon as we begin to compare, we allow judgement and jealousy to cloud our reason which in turn robs us of the ability to feel gratitude. 

Gary B. Sabin said, “when nothing is expected and everything is appreciated, life becomes magical.”

When I was growing up, there was a small brown lacquered plaque with a poem called “Desiderata“ that hung in the upstairs hallway of our home.  The verse offers much wisdom, but perhaps my favorite line is the one that says,

“If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.”

I don’t believe the author was trying to create a social hierarchy to which we fall in rank, but rather remind the reader to maintain perspective and gratitude even in the face of disparity and difference. 

There are bigger houses than yours and smaller

There are people with more money and less

There are marriages that last fifty years and marriages that end in divorce

The list could obviously go on and the challenge is to not compare our highs with other’s lows and become vain.  Or compare our lows with other’s highs and become bitter. 

I love these words of Vern P. Stanfil,

“I have learned . . . that self-comparison is not the same as emulation. When we compare ourselves to others, there can be only two results. Either we will see ourselves as better than others and become judgmental and critical of them, or we will see ourselves as less than others and become anxious, self-critical, and discouraged. Comparing ourselves to others is rarely productive, not uplifting, and sometimes downright depressing. In fact, these comparisons can be . . . destructive, preventing us from receiving the spiritual help we need.”

I love that he highlights the difference between comparison and emulation.  He goes on to say,

“Emulating those we respect who demonstrate Christlike attributes can be instructive and uplifting and can help us become better disciples of Jesus Christ.”

This leads me to self reflect on how I view others . . . is it through the lens of comparison or emulation.  What does my perception of others allow me to see . . . because remember we are rarely seeing the whole picture. 

As I look back on the last few months of summer, has our family had some incredible travel experiences, spent time with friends and family, gone on several adventures together and had our own backyard BBQs full of laughing, good food and dancing – yes!

On the same token has there been complaining and arguments almost daily, vehicle troubles, hail damage to our garden, failed goals, stress, mess and disappointments – yes!

The truth is, life was never meant to consist solely of backyard BBQ bliss. 

It is so crucial to understand that these moments are temporary and do not define our family, our relationships or our life.  It is our attitude and response to life’s experiences (whether the highs or the lows) that build character and create lasting joy. 

Remember the words of our prophet that “the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.”

Can we look at a bad day and acknowledge it as just that – a bad day?  Can we look at the backyard BBQs of life and appreciate the happiness and memories they bring, while still acknowledging that this is not a permanent state of being?  And can we feel joy regardless of what kind of day we are having? 

Well, I definitely don’t get it right even half of the time, but I find as I turn my focus away from all the distractions and reels and towards my Savior and his plan – it is much easier to answer “yes” to all of the above. 

And so, as the summer comes to an end and a new school year begins, consider this a public service announcement that whatever pictures you may see on my profile or anyone else’s are most likely a backyard BBQ highlight and not usually showing the whole story, and that’s okay.  But if you’re feeling discouraged, or like you are falling short of the perceived standard set around you, just remember . . .

It’s not always like this, this is just a good day.